Kenyans,,,It's a Matatu Not a Pub!
A matatu is a mini bus fitted with 14passenger seats and has very limited spaces to allow the passengers squeeze their way in. Any Kenyan reading this thinks am crazy but am very okay. Apparently my american pal told me how hard it was,during her first time to boards matatu when she came to Kenya because in America they use bigger buses,the Metro bus, which happens to be bigger than my all times favorite, Embassava bus.She said she felt so uncomfortable because of the limited space between her seat and that in front of her plus the fact that she had to bend to get into the matatu. Though she has gotten used to them, after her few years stay here, she prefers to board a bus other than a matatu.
That said, you have a clear picture of how small a matatu is. Now, you should be aware of the fact that any phone call made can be heard by that entire matatu. Every passenger is allowed to eavesdrop at their own pleasure or will. A phone call done in a public vehicle should be short and precise. If it's not an emergency, you should ask the caller to wait until you alight then call them back. That's my definition of public vehicle phone etiquette. I do not own a car yet so I've had several encounters with passengers in the PSVs who find pleasure in giving us an entire bulletin of their work, relationships, families, boss and some even go to an extend of informing us of what they'll have for dinner.
Earlier today on my way to work I happened to board a bus with one very loud man. Normally, men are never noisy and that's why they don't like it when we nag.This one man or rather young guy was way too loud and wouldn't stop talking on his phone. It's very early in the morning and if you are my type, you know what we do ; pay your bus fare and close your eye then sleep. I happen to be insomniac so I sleep an average 3hour then take my lil naps of one hour to and from work respectively ; that's a total of 5hrs. That's healthy and no more dark circles around my eyes. So when you are loud and seated around me, you are definitely offending my health and my travel comfort.
He happened to be talking to a work mate who was on leave, I guess. They discussed their boss, how idle it had been at the office and how bad they wanted a field trip. He kept saying how he can't control using the F* word and how he keeps saying it each time the boss summoned him.
If my ears served me right, this guy works at the same place as I do, silly him. If only I was his boss and I was listening to his convo, I would have recorded the whole phone call and called him to my office, first thing the following day, played the whole clip and sacked him with no explanations, the voice clip of his unruly phone call would be enough for a detailed explanation.
So for everyone's sake, let me just give some of our ignorant passengers a list of norms that would help them enhance their phone etiquette and travel etiquette at large.
RULE #1: DO NOT BAD-MOUTH YOUR BOSS OR HIS WIFE.
I do not need to discuss this. You already know my take on this rule #1.
RULE #2 : DO NOT TELL US ABOUT YOUR MENU
Dear mothers we know and respect your multi-tasking skills and the fact that we always find dinner already prepared and at the table but honestly the rest of Nairobi doesn't have to know that we are having pork or Chinese food for dinner, not everyone is privileged to have that. Have you ever heard this statement : "sasa auntie, tafadhali pika ugali na nyama nakuja" (auntie is a word commonly used to refer to a domestic help/aide) . If you haven't, get ready because you will stumble across it soonest. It's okay for you to have meat, pork or chinese but that so dumb, am sorry to say. You can always text or inform them before you leave your office.
RULE #3 : DO NOT DISCUSS YOUR BEDROOM MATTERS.
I grew up in Embakasi and growing up there meant I had access to the Train.The main benefits of a train is the fact that you pay less fare and there is no traffic jam but the worst is, especially if you live in Embakasi you share a tiny cubicle with a hundred other people so by the time you get to town you probably smell like a He-goat and are so dusty from people stepping on you.
Few years ago I used to get into a cubicle with two very lousy lads. They would loudly discuss how they got drunk over the weekend and how many ladies they chips-fungad and how brown their thighs were and where they took them too.
The funniest thing is they were on a train. That meant they were as broke as I was. I don't mean to say that all train passengers are broke people, some just wake up late and want to avoid traffic jam but this two looked the part. Like people that had their pockets drained by their so called chipos.
No one needs to know how much of a pro you are in bed let alone the color complexion of the lady you slept with over the weekend or the size of her derriere. Neither do we want to know the clubs you hang out at or what kind of whisky or wine best suits your system. Save that information to yourself or your spouse.
RULE #4 : DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE
Don't tell us about your wife or how much of a nag she is or how much of a cheat your husband is. We do not want to know how many times you fight in a week or when you are both planning to get married. None of us wants to hear that. It's your problem not the whole nation's problem. Some of us have even bigger problems. Jimmi Wanjala, a casting agent, actor and film producer at Storying UniverseProductions once told me that, " The world is filled with so many problems. If everyone decided to go shouting about how heavier their burdens were, no one would ever want to live on it," he said, " even the president has his own personal or family problems but he manages to stay put, keep them in check and still handle the country's affairs without having to shout or tell the whole world about it his family ups and downs " . That statement is one of those weapons I carry around with me and keeps me in check too. Thanks Jimmi.
RULE #5 : DO NOT DISCUSS BUSINESS IN A MATATU
It's 6am so unless you are too dumb you ought to know that we are either going to work or going to hunt for one. Unless you are calling your boss to tell them that you are running late or if you are a boss and you are asking your P.A to have your minutes ready before you get there, DO NOT MAKE UNNECESSARY CALLS!
You cant make a call to your employee telling them of how you didn't manage to acquire that NEMA certificate and how you are going to host a wedding without it, unless you are insane! The NEMA chairman might be in the same bus with you, dumb head! You will get arrested with your entire team!
Or discuss how much money is at your office drawer. I said some of us are job hunting and we are probably broke. You might be giving us business ideas! We might follow you to that office and see if we can have a share of that money in your drawer.
So please, let's learn some phone or travel etiquette. Keep our voices down if we have to make those weird calls in fully-packed Public Service Vehicles (PSV) and if it's not necessary lets keep all that information to ourselves. Let some civilization reign!
That said, you have a clear picture of how small a matatu is. Now, you should be aware of the fact that any phone call made can be heard by that entire matatu. Every passenger is allowed to eavesdrop at their own pleasure or will. A phone call done in a public vehicle should be short and precise. If it's not an emergency, you should ask the caller to wait until you alight then call them back. That's my definition of public vehicle phone etiquette. I do not own a car yet so I've had several encounters with passengers in the PSVs who find pleasure in giving us an entire bulletin of their work, relationships, families, boss and some even go to an extend of informing us of what they'll have for dinner.Earlier today on my way to work I happened to board a bus with one very loud man. Normally, men are never noisy and that's why they don't like it when we nag.This one man or rather young guy was way too loud and wouldn't stop talking on his phone. It's very early in the morning and if you are my type, you know what we do ; pay your bus fare and close your eye then sleep. I happen to be insomniac so I sleep an average 3hour then take my lil naps of one hour to and from work respectively ; that's a total of 5hrs. That's healthy and no more dark circles around my eyes. So when you are loud and seated around me, you are definitely offending my health and my travel comfort.
He happened to be talking to a work mate who was on leave, I guess. They discussed their boss, how idle it had been at the office and how bad they wanted a field trip. He kept saying how he can't control using the F* word and how he keeps saying it each time the boss summoned him.
If my ears served me right, this guy works at the same place as I do, silly him. If only I was his boss and I was listening to his convo, I would have recorded the whole phone call and called him to my office, first thing the following day, played the whole clip and sacked him with no explanations, the voice clip of his unruly phone call would be enough for a detailed explanation.
So for everyone's sake, let me just give some of our ignorant passengers a list of norms that would help them enhance their phone etiquette and travel etiquette at large.
RULE #1: DO NOT BAD-MOUTH YOUR BOSS OR HIS WIFE.
I do not need to discuss this. You already know my take on this rule #1.
RULE #2 : DO NOT TELL US ABOUT YOUR MENU
Dear mothers we know and respect your multi-tasking skills and the fact that we always find dinner already prepared and at the table but honestly the rest of Nairobi doesn't have to know that we are having pork or Chinese food for dinner, not everyone is privileged to have that. Have you ever heard this statement : "sasa auntie, tafadhali pika ugali na nyama nakuja" (auntie is a word commonly used to refer to a domestic help/aide) . If you haven't, get ready because you will stumble across it soonest. It's okay for you to have meat, pork or chinese but that so dumb, am sorry to say. You can always text or inform them before you leave your office.
RULE #3 : DO NOT DISCUSS YOUR BEDROOM MATTERS.
I grew up in Embakasi and growing up there meant I had access to the Train.The main benefits of a train is the fact that you pay less fare and there is no traffic jam but the worst is, especially if you live in Embakasi you share a tiny cubicle with a hundred other people so by the time you get to town you probably smell like a He-goat and are so dusty from people stepping on you.
Few years ago I used to get into a cubicle with two very lousy lads. They would loudly discuss how they got drunk over the weekend and how many ladies they chips-fungad and how brown their thighs were and where they took them too.
The funniest thing is they were on a train. That meant they were as broke as I was. I don't mean to say that all train passengers are broke people, some just wake up late and want to avoid traffic jam but this two looked the part. Like people that had their pockets drained by their so called chipos.
No one needs to know how much of a pro you are in bed let alone the color complexion of the lady you slept with over the weekend or the size of her derriere. Neither do we want to know the clubs you hang out at or what kind of whisky or wine best suits your system. Save that information to yourself or your spouse.
RULE #4 : DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE
Don't tell us about your wife or how much of a nag she is or how much of a cheat your husband is. We do not want to know how many times you fight in a week or when you are both planning to get married. None of us wants to hear that. It's your problem not the whole nation's problem. Some of us have even bigger problems. Jimmi Wanjala, a casting agent, actor and film producer at Storying UniverseProductions once told me that, " The world is filled with so many problems. If everyone decided to go shouting about how heavier their burdens were, no one would ever want to live on it," he said, " even the president has his own personal or family problems but he manages to stay put, keep them in check and still handle the country's affairs without having to shout or tell the whole world about it his family ups and downs " . That statement is one of those weapons I carry around with me and keeps me in check too. Thanks Jimmi.
RULE #5 : DO NOT DISCUSS BUSINESS IN A MATATU
It's 6am so unless you are too dumb you ought to know that we are either going to work or going to hunt for one. Unless you are calling your boss to tell them that you are running late or if you are a boss and you are asking your P.A to have your minutes ready before you get there, DO NOT MAKE UNNECESSARY CALLS!
You cant make a call to your employee telling them of how you didn't manage to acquire that NEMA certificate and how you are going to host a wedding without it, unless you are insane! The NEMA chairman might be in the same bus with you, dumb head! You will get arrested with your entire team!
Or discuss how much money is at your office drawer. I said some of us are job hunting and we are probably broke. You might be giving us business ideas! We might follow you to that office and see if we can have a share of that money in your drawer.
So please, let's learn some phone or travel etiquette. Keep our voices down if we have to make those weird calls in fully-packed Public Service Vehicles (PSV) and if it's not necessary lets keep all that information to ourselves. Let some civilization reign!
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